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"The Foundation: the one thing
that will radically change your family" |
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A mother by the name of Diane Kesecker shared the
following at Christianity Today’s website
[i]… I’m convinced that when it comes to our families, many of us are in the “let’s pretend” mode. If we were to take a “walk-through” of our families we would find foundations cracked, walls with holes, ceiling cracking, roofs in need of repair and furnishing in shambles. And I’m not referring to our physical houses – I’m talking about our home lives. Even for those of us who assume we’ve got pretty good homes, there’s still room for improvement and upkeep. This series is about just that – improvement and upkeep. And at the very outset I want all of us to understand…there’s no such thing as a perfect home, only a perfect model. We’ve all got areas where we need growth and improvement. We all need a Makeover, even if only a little one! And if we are really honest with ourselves – we need an Extreme Makeover in our families. So for the next two months we will look at eight powerful principles that will change your family forever. If you genuinely apply these principles to your life you will see major change for the better in your relationships both inside and outside your home! The Bible guarantees it, unconditionally! This morning we look at the foundational principle that everything else we discover rests upon. This principle was so important that the Apostle Paul repeated himself in two different books of the Bible (Ephesians chapter five and Colossians chapter three) and the Apostle Peter mentioned it in his first epistle. It’s so important that he wrote to two different churches and said almost word for word the same thing. God wants us to get this! It’s a very short verse, but it has a long application. Let’s read it together and then discover what God is trying to tell us. This verse will radically change your family life if you genuinely apply it. “And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 Check that out again…“And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Now before we actually get into the verse too far, look at the first two words… “And further”, it’s referring back to what has already been written. If you go back a few verses you will find verse fifteen you will discover a verse we have read before, “So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise.” (Ephesians 5:15) The Apostle Paul is teaching us how to live; we are to live wisely. He goes on to tell us… “make the most of every opportunity for doing good…” (vs.16) “Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (vs.17) “Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life.” (vs.18) “let the Holy Spirit fill and control you” (vs.18) “always give thanks for everything to God” (vs.20) He gives us all this great advice (commands actually) on how to live, then he caps it all of with “And further…” If you want to live wisely do all these things – but if you REALLY want to be wise do this… “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” Here is the foundational principle for our Extreme Makeover: Family Edition. The one thing that will radically change your family forever… “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The Message Paraphrase says it this way: “Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.” The New Century Translation is even more direct: “Yield to obey each other because you respect Christ.” I know what your thinking and I’m begging you not to shut me off just yet! You’re thinking, “Submission? Obeying? What are you after here? My problems are not with ME they are with the other person, my spouse, my kids, my boss – not me? What do you mean, submit?!” Well, I’m glad you asked because the whole idea of submission has been terribly misinterpreted and misunderstood. In our culture today submission is a bad word. We don’t like it, we don’t want it. Truth is we cherish our “freedom” to be our own person and do what we want. Submission doesn’t really fit into that at all! Well, back up with me a few moments and let’s look at the whole point of submission from what it isn’t. First, submission is not about being a doormat or being stepped on. Submission is not one person “lording” over someone else, or one person cowering under the pressure of another. That’s not submission, that’s subservience. Submission is never forced. “Forced submission’ is an oxymoron. True submission is always voluntary. It’s not about being forced under anyone “thumb” or pressure. We fight the idea of submission because we assume it means being stepped on or run over. Neither of those ideas are submission. Second, submission is not only for wives or children or even employees. I share that because sometimes people like to read the next part of the passage where it tells the wife to submit, the husband to love, and the kids to obey. They like to read that part and they claim, “see, the husbands get off without having to submit”. But that’s not what it says. Verse twenty ones clearly reads, “submit to one another”. There’s no preference to submitting – we submit to each other. Third, submission is not about worthiness. I’ve talked to kids who have told me that their parents are not worth respecting or submitting to. I’ve heard from spouses who have share the same thoughts about each other and their kids. But the reason we submit has nothing to do with the other person and EVERYTHING to do with Jesus Christ. The passage tells us, “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” Did you catch that? “out of reverence for Christ.” The reason we submit to someone else is because we respect what Jesus Christ did for us. He humbled Himself, and submitted Himself to the hands of sinful people all the way to death on the cross. We submit because Jesus did and, more importantly, we submit, because Jesus asks us to! So let’s say that together… “BECAUSE JESUS ASKED ME TO?” If for no other reason we do it because Jesus asked us to. He’s our Lord (our Boss and Guide). He is our Savior (Forgiver) and He’s asked us to submit to each other. So if submission is not about being a door mat. And it’s not only for wives and kids. And it’s not based on worthiness, then what is submission? Here is the best definition I could come up with for submission: Submission is my willing act to put someone else’s needs and desires before my own. Submission involves a lot more, but in it’s simplest form, that’s it. Submission is my willing act to put someone else’s needs and desires before my own. The word that is translated submission here in Ephesians is the word “hupotassō” (hoop-ot-as'-so). I’m told that it is actually a military term that means “to rank under” It means we give up our rights for the sake of the other person. Our rights are not taken away (we’re not a doormat) they are laid aside for someone else’s good. And that is always an act of the will. I willingly lay aside my power for your good. That’s submission. Now why is submission the foundation for family relationships? Because without each person being willing to lay aside their power all we get are explosions. This week the battery on one of our cars died. By first response was to go get the jumper cables and see if I could jump start the car. With that said, what’s the one thing they tell you to always be careful of? That’s right, don’t short the cables. Don’t make contact with the cables once they are attached to the power. If you do there will be sparks and maybe more. When you put two power sources in the right order or series they work great, but if you put them face to face there will be sparks, possibly a melt down, maybe worse. That’s what happens in the family. Everyone’s got their own power and when we refuse to lay our power aside there’s likely to be sparks or explosions. That’s why the Apostle in the passage explains the addresses the power issues. In each case we’re about to read, someone’s got the power and if they use it in the wrong way there will be an explosion. Look at twenty-two with me… Ephesians 5:22-24 “You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24 That verse shows a LOT of power in the wife’s part. You don’t think so, look again. Wives, you have the power to let your husbands lead. Submission means you have the power or choice to let him be the leader in your home in the same way that Jesus Christ is the leader of the church. You have the power to create a truly spiritual leader Your act of submission empowers your husband to lead. Ladies, you literally have the power to help your husbands become Christ-like leaders. Actually, that’s your ultimate objective when it comes to your husband, to create in him the qualities and actions of a spiritual leader. When a wife lays aside her ability to control or lead a situation to her husband’s leadership she is submitting to him. In doing so she is demonstrating to her husband, her kids, and anyone else who sees her, that God’s desires and her husband’s character development is more important than her wishes. That’s powerful! Now, ladies, don’t give up on me yet, we’ll come back to this point in a moment. For now, let’s look at the next power issue in the home. “And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s word. …In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.” Ephesians 5:25,28-29 Most men don’t think of loving and power in the same sentence, but here they fit! Men, we have a lot of power over our wives and children. By the very fact that we are men we have a certain amount of weight we can push around (no jokes here!) He have the ability to literally crush the spirits of our wife and kids and be the king of the castle. There is another verse that is important to us husbands, found in Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” If we are not careful we will find ourselves treating our wives harshly. The Greek word here literally refers to creating a bitter taste in the pit of ones stomach. When we exasperate our wives by not treating them as “fine china” – valuable and precious, we cause them to become bitter. You have the power to CRUSH OR create a PRECIOUS TREASURE Just remember this, bitter women are not born bitter, they are made that way by the men who have treated them bitterly. Bitterness towards a woman makes her bitter, course and resentful. We have that kind of power, but when we use it, what do we get – that’s right, explosions! On the other hand, we can choose to lay aside that power and show genuine love in the same way that Jesus Christ laid aside His power and loved us enough to die for us! Jesus could have chosen a lot of different ways to come to earth and straighten it out other than coming as a servant to others. He could have forced His will upon us, but He didn’t. He doesn’t. He simply shows us His love and waits for us to respond to that love. The book of Philippians tells us that Jesus “humbled himself”, he submitted himself for our best interests. Men, we hold a lot of power, but when we lay it aside and demonstrate sacrificial love toward our wife and kids – that’s submission. Now looks at the kid’s part. “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first of the Ten Commandments that ends with a promise” Ephesians 6:1-2 Young people, you already know how much power you have in the home. Your attitude and actions can just as easily cause an explosion as our parents’ attitude and actions. But you have a lot of power. You have the power to do whatever you want to do. You can choose to obey and you can choose to disobey. And the truth is, there’s not a lot that anyone can do to make you do either. You have that kind of power. What we have as parents is what I call the “right of retribution” another way to say that is we have the “right of reward”. As parents we get to reward your actions and attitudes. If they are good actions and attitudes you will usually get “good rewards” – if not, well, you already know that part. But here’s the point. You have power to really disrupt your home. You can choose to disobey your parents, you can choose to argue and fight with your brothers and sisters (or parents) and in the process cause quite an explosion. OR…you can choose to obey and honor your parents. Do you know another word for obey? That’s right, submit. Do you know another word for honor? That’s right, submit. To obey and to honor means you willingly lay aside your power, your desires for what is best for your parents. But don’t think that parents get off the hook, because the final part of the passage tells us… “And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.” Ephesians 5:4 The Apostle specifically talks to Dads here, but parents could be inserted just as easily. Maybe it’s the way we Dads tend to respond to things that the passage is referring to. Dads, how do you respond when you know your kids aren’t obeying? Is your first response anger? Is your first response power or force? As parents we have a lot of power. We might not be able to force our kids to submit, but we can force them to comply. We can push them to obedience in ways that simply cause more anger. You have the power to OF ANGER OR APPROVAL It’s true that more often than not our kids are simply mirrors of our own actions or attitudes. When we treat our kids disrespectfully, when our actions are selfish and self-centered it does nothing but make them angry. And you can see it in their eyes. Sometimes it’s defiance; but sometimes it’s hurt or humiliation that we see. And other times its pure anger from how we’ve treated them. Paul reminds us as Dad’s that we have to lay aside our power and submit to our kids as well. How do we submit to our kids? By disciplining them the way the Lord disciplines us. He takes time to understand us. He never rushes to judgment. He doesn’t punish; He disciplines. Do you understand the difference between punishment and discipline? Punishment is an end in itself. Punishment is retaliation, it’s getting even for the wrong that’s been done. Discipline on the other hand is all about the end product. Disciple is about making correction and doing what is right. Sometimes discipline hurts, but the hurt is never the end product, only the process toward the right action, attitude or character. That’s why the passage includes instruction. As Dads and parents we lay aside our power, our desires and focus on raising our kids, discipline and instructing them in ways that Jesus Christ would approve. Sometimes as a Dad I stop and wonder if Jesus would really approve of my actions toward my kids. Sometimes I’m way to quick with them, way too short. And sometimes I let my anger get in the way. And then there’s the explosion. But when I submit to my kids, something good always comes from whatever the situation. The foundation to every relationship inside and outside of the home is mutual submission. It works. When mutual submission is practiced in the home, it’s results in incredible. On the other hand, when submission is ignored the family quickly gets off track. Several weeks ago Tom and I were on our way to Carlsbad to meet our families at the beach. (We had spent the morning in a mentoring session at a golf course.) It was Tom’s day off, but one of his co-workers called him needing some information about wheel alignment on a particular type of car. As I listened I got to thinking about this morning’s message. Tom began to explain to the guy on the other end of the phone the various adjustments that were needed to make sure the car would travel straight down the highway. There were a lot of details to remember, but each adjustment had to be set correctly or the car would veer. Let one adjustment be wrong and the driver will have to compensate and eventually it causes extra wear on other parts of the vehicle. It’s the same way with our families. When each person is practicing mutual submission the family keeps going straight, but let one person get selfish and things start to swerve. When that happens everyone else has to compensate for their lack of submission and bad things start happening to the family. But what happens when we’re all in alignment? Look at the results. When a wife voluntarily submits to her husbands needs, leadership and character building – it wins over her husband. 1 Peter 3:1-2 explains it this way, “you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior.” Your submissive actions and attitude will preach to your husbands far more than your words ever will. Even if they are not willing to listen to God, God will use your actions to win your husbands. When a husband voluntarily submits to his wife’s need to be loved and cherished (not pushed and provoked), he gets a treasure in return and his prayers are heard by God. This is powerful so listen carefully to this verse… “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.” (1 Peter 3:7) Notice the phrase “she may be weaker than you are”, that’s not necessarily speaking of physically or emotionally weak, it’s referring more to a delicate piece of china. It’s fragile and valuable. We must remember that we are not better than our wives; we are “equal partners” in God’s gift. God sees us as partners in this process called family and equals when it comes to His work in our lives. Then there is that final phrase, “If you don’t…your prayers will not be heard.” God tells us that if we don’t have a good relationship with our wives we’d probably shouldn’t expect to have a good relationship with Him either. How we treat our family is a good indication of how we treat God! Kids, when you voluntarily submit to your parents by obeying and honoring them – you get to live! The Bible tells us that we have a better chance at a long life if we obey and honor our parents. It was the first commandment God gave that included a promise. “If you honor your father and mother, “you will live a long life, full of blessing.” (Ephesians 6:3) And parents, when we submit to our kids by disciplining them in an honorable, Godly manner, and when we instruction them in the things of the Lord – God promises to bless us and bless them. Psalm 127:3 says, “Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?” Proverbs 22:6 promises us, “Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it.” That’s the foundation – “my willing act to put someone else’s needs and desires before my own.” Maybe there are some cracks in your foundation this morning. It’s not too late to fix them. It’s not too late to make a decision to practice this kind of submission simply because Jesus asked you to. Sure there are plenty of benefits for you and your family: Godly leadership that is willing to give up his life for his family, a wife that is a genuine treasure and an equal partner in the process, kids that honor and obey, parents that discipline purely from love…there are plenty of benefits. However, the greatest reason to practice this kind of submission is simply out of reverence for Christ He submitted His power and glory in order to come to this earth, live a life among us and them willingly lay that life down as a payment for our sins. Now He asks us to willingly submit our lives to Him as our Lord, our Boss and receive His forgiveness and eternal life. Submission is not about giving anything up, it’s about giving away so that we might receive something even more valuable.
[i] http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/8r2/8r2010.html |
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(c) Paul Newell 2004 FamilyFellowship Church P.O. Box 465, Beaumont, CA 92223 |
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