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"Building The Fence: Real Discipline For Real People" |
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“Don’t do what?” Adam replied. “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said. “Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve…we have forbidden fruit!” “Naw!” “Yeah!” “Do NOT eat the fruit!” God said. “Why?” “Because I am your Father and I said so!” God replied. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and was He ticked! “Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God (as our first Parent) asked? “Uh huh,” Adam replied. “Then why did you?” said the Father/ “I don’t know,” said Eve. “She started it!” Adam said. “Did not!” “Did too!” “DID NOT!” At this point, God had had enough…and to punish Adam and Even He decreed that they should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed!” Ü
But no matter how we function as a family – discipline always comes into play. We can practice mutual submission, but it’s not possible with discipline. We can attempt to listen to each other, work on each other’s behalf, lead by example and genuinely act out of sacrificial love – but those things will not happen if we are not disciplined. So this morning we take on what I want to call the fence around the house. When we moved to Lakeport, the church where we pastored has a parsonage (that’s a house owned by the church where the “parson” (Pastor) lived. It actually was a pretty cool house – but it was old and pretty run down. Built in 1917, the house had bats in the walls, floors that creaked, it had character to say the least. The kids in the neighborhood referred to it as the “haunted house”. But as time went on we slowly fixed it up and it was transformed into a nice looking country cottage. One of the big deficits of the house, though, was that the front yard. It faced one of the main thoroughfares in the town, had a retaining wall that dropped about three feet from the yard to the sidewalk and some pretty scary steps. We had little children and a dog and none of them could play in the front yard without our extreme watchfulness. It just wasn’t safe. That’s when we decided to build the fence. What a difference! Now it didn’t matter if the girls were in the front yard or the dogs got out – there was a fence to protect them and keep them safe. I’m told that researchers studied the behavior of children on a school playground. When there was no fence around the playground most of the children would tend to huddle at the center, but when they built a fence around the play yard, the children would begin to spread out – they felt safe as long as the fence was in place. Genuine discipline is much like that fence. When the boundaries are in place – we feel safe. Notice I say “we” because discipline is not just about kids – discipline is for all of us. And discipline is not about power or punishment. We mentioned back in message number one that the difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is about what happened; it’s about payback. Discipline, on the other hand, is all about the future; it’s about the end product. That’s why God commands us as parents to bring up our children in the instruction and discipline approved by God. It’s all about the end product; the plan God has our lives and how we are being shaped to fulfill that plan. Discipline is not a list of do’s and don’ts. Discipline is a “plan of attack”. The actual word “discipline” comes from an old Latin word “disciplina” that focused on the teaching and learning that a student would receive. Webster’s on line dictionary tells us that it refers to the “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.” We all need discipline, we all need the fence. The book of Job in the Old Testament refers to the kind of discipline that we all need. Look at Job chapter thirty-six with me. “God is mighty, yet he does not despise anyone! He is mighty in both power and understanding. 6He does not let the wicked live but gives justice to the afflicted. 7His eyes never leave the innocent, but he establishes and exalts them with kings forever. 8If troubles come upon them and they are enslaved and afflicted, 9he takes the trouble to show them the reason. He shows them their sins, for they have behaved proudly. 10He gets their attention [He opens their ear to discipline KingJamesVersion] and says they must turn away from evil. 11“If they listen and obey God, then they will be blessed with prosperity throughout their lives. All their years will be pleasant. 12But if they refuse to listen to him, they will perish in battle and die from lack of understanding. 13For the godless are full of resentment. Even when he punishes them, they refuse to cry out to him for help. 14They die young after wasting their lives in immoral living. 15But by means of their suffering, he rescues those who suffer. For he gets their attention through adversity.” Job 36:5-15
Look back at verse ten, “He gets their attention and says they must turn away from evil” The King James translates that phrase: “He opens their ear to discipline”. It’s a Hebrew word that means to give warning and instruction. That’s what God’s Word is for. It warns us and it instructions us. As we read and apply God’s Word we are warned about the things that will cause us harm, but we are also instructed about the positive things we can do that will bring success in our lives. The Bible is full of such guidance. However this morning I want to share with you four thoughts about discipline. It’s not everything, but I assure you that if you and I will follow these instructions we will build that fence around ourselves and our families and begin understanding how discipline really protects us. Discipline reminds me that… “IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT ME…” Another way to say that is: THE WHOLE IS ALWAYS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE PARTS Read with me from Romans chapter twelve, “Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others.” Romans 12:3-5(NLT) If that’s true in God’s family, the Church, than it’s also true in our individual families. We need to be honest about our position in our family. The difficulty here, is that for years we have been fed lies and half-truths about family and the roles we play in the home. We’ve been told that Dads are too inept to lead. Mom’s should be doing everything else but mothering. And kids, well, if we just let them be – they can make it on their own. When God created family He also created family structure. No where in the structure is anyone more important or more valuable than the rest – but each does have a distinct function. And that function is for the benefit of all the others. We are all equally valuable, but we are not equally “functioned” in the home. When a husband or father serves his family through sacrificial leadership, the wife and kids find stability and confidence that they are on the right course. When a wife or mother serves her family through loving nurture, the husband and kids find security, harmony, and identity. And when a child serves his or her family through honor, respect and obedience the family finds peace and hope. Nothing is a more powerful and effective an influence than a child’s influence on a family when they are honoring and obeying. The point is that each of us effects the others in the family; the wishes, desires, selfishness or greed of one person in the family can never become more important than the total family. That’s why we talked about laboring and serving each other last week. We are to labor for each other – we’re not independent of each other. Remember our illustration from week one; if one member is out of alignment than it affects the entire family. John Rosemond in his book, The Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy Families, said it this way: “You’re never going to be the center of everyone’s attention. Not for long at least.” It’s not just about me or you. It’s about us. This principle applies to every area of our lives, not just family. It’s not about me. The happiest people in the world to day are the ones who live out this principle. It’s not about me. The most miserable people in the world today are the ones who ignore this principle. It’s not about me! When you live for yourself all you end up with is yourself. Not only is that lonely, but if you know yourself as well as I know myself – I wouldn’t want to live alone – with me! I want others that I can share my life with. By the way, that’s why church is so important. It’s also way the Bible calls the church a family. Together we are growing into something incredible, because the whole is always more important than the parts. The parts are important, don’t get me wrong, but let’s not switch the priority or we’ll destroy the fence. It’s not just about me…second… Discipline reminds me that… “I need to set and live my values…” All of us have values and live them, the trouble comes when we live out values that we never taken them time to think through. We simply live our lives as we go and there is no real focus, no real agenda, no real guidelines for how we live. Matthew 6:21 tells us, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (KingJamesVersion) 1 Chronicles 22:19 challenges us, “Set your heart and your soul to seek the Lord your God.” Let me ask you a question, what do you value the most in this life? Don’t be so quick to answer, because I’m going to ask you a second question. How would you prove to me that you valued that the most? Honestly, we say we value our family, our spouses, our relationship with Jesus Christ, maybe it’s a character quality that you value such as honest, integrity, loyalty – we say we value these things, but how do we prove it. What we say and how we live often don’t match. Do you value your family? How would you prove it? Do you value your spouse? How would you prove it? What are your values? The answer to that question is another question: where do you invest most of your resources (time, money, attention, love)? What is most important in your life is what controls your life. We all live our lives based on pre-made choices. Some of those choices are really thought out and others are just made on the fly – which do you think are the best choices? I need to set and live my values. So how do I come to that point where I really understand and live out my values. The starting place is to acknowledge that our lives are best spent if we live out what God values. That means first and foremost that my relationship with God and with others should be my highest priority. Remember, “Love God…love others” Everything else I value should fall inline under that value. Here’s a good project: sit down with your spouse or family and talk about what your family values are. Talk about how your family spends its time and ask each other if your investments match your values. If you’re single or a single parent you can still go through this exercise. Just think though and write out what you really value. If I’m living out my values I am investing most of my resources in those values. I want to build a fence around my family. I want them to feel safe enough to grow and enjoy the life God has given each of them. But I want them to remember…it’s not about being self-focused, it’s about being others focused. I want them to live by God’s values and gain the true success that that kind of living brings. Discipline reminds me of those things. Discipline also reminds me that… “You can’t always get what you want…and what you do get, you get by hard work, waiting and God’s grace” We live in a “must have now” society. We have a euphemism for “must have now” – we call it “consumer debt”. Our economy thrives on the “must have now” mentality. The only problem is that a “must have now” mentality turns into “can’t pay later” reality. We forget what it means to work, wait and get rewarded. And that mentality goes past just finances. We want quick relationships without much investment. We want quick dates, quick sex, quick success – all without the investment. Notice the Apostle Paul’s words in his first letter to the Corinthians: “But God’s grace has made me what I am, and his grace to me was not wasted. I worked harder than all the other apostles. (But it was not I really; it was God’s grace that was with me.)” 1 Corinthians 15:10 The Apostle Paul was hand picked by God. He had a conversation story that could not be matched by any of the other Apostles. He was also anointed by the Holy Spirit to be the church’s first church planter and missionary. He could have easily set back and assumed that everyone should work for him – but that is the exact opposite of what he did. Paul was probably the hardest working Apostle in the early church. He not only traveled throughout Europe starting churches, he worked a side job as a tent-maker. When he said “I worked harder than all the other apostles” he was not exaggerating. But he always realized that it was God’s power that ultimately made the difference. Here’s the point: You can’t work hard and forget God, but you also can’t assume God’s going to do what He expects you do to! Real discipline teaches us about personal responsibility. We have to do our part. This point goes hand in hand with the first – we live together and we all must work. We used this verse a few weeks ago, but it fits this morning: 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says, “Anyone who refuses to work should not eat.” We do our part and rely upon God for His part. Ultimately it’s not about getting what we want – it’s about getting what God knows we need. It’s OK to ask God for what you want. It’s not OK to presume God will provide it just because you want it. Far too often we are disappointed in God because He didn’t give us what we assumed we needed (read that wanted). We think, “God you let me down”. God didn’t let you down – He simply withheld what you didn’t need. We’ll see in a couple of weeks that God promises to meet all of our needs, but there is condition to that promise. And we must meet that condition. Godly discipline teaches me… (1) That it’s not just about me (2) I need to set and live by what’s most important to God (3) That what I want is not nearly as important as what I need One last thought, Discipline reminds me that… “Everyone is responsible to a higher authority.” Parents, listen up here. This is one area where we get ourselves into a LOT of trouble. We expect our kids to obey, but do they see us obeying? We expect our kids to tell the truth – do they see us lying? We expect our kids to honor their obligations – do we ignore ours and make excuses for not fulfilling our promises? Every one of us answers to someone else. That’s what mutual submission teaches us. This is so important because when we obey those in authority over us – the Bible tells us we are obeying God. “Obey your leaders and act under their authority. They are watching over you, because they are responsible for your souls. Obey them so that they will do this work with joy, not sadness. It will not help you to make their work hard.” Hebrews 13:17 And ultimately, each of us is accountable to God! “Yes, each of us will have to give a personal account to God.” Romans 14:12 With responsibility comes accountability. We don’t like this part very much. We like to think that we can simply live our lives any way we choose. We can do what we want and no one can stop us. In some ways that may be true, but the reality is we must answer for every action we take. We must answer to those we submit to and we must answer to God. When we stand before God there are really only two questions He’s going to ask. The first question is “What did you do WITH my Son?” In other words, did you accept Jesus as your Forgiver and Savior or did you ignore His offer? There are only two options here, (1) you acknowledge you need Jesus to forgive you of your sins and you accept His forgiveness, or (2) you assume you don’t need Him and you try to make it on your own. With the first option you win – you receive God’s forgiveness, cleansing and eternal life. With the second option you ultimately lose – because there is no forgiveness apart from accept what Jesus did on the cross. Acts 4:12 says, “Jesus is the only One who can save people. His name is the only power in the world that has been given to save people. We must be saved through him.” The first question God will ask you in eternity is “What did you do WITH my Son?” The second question God will ask you us, “What did you do FOR my Son?” The second question doesn’t work if you have not answered the first correctly. You have to do something with God’s offer of eternal life – then you have to do something because of that offer. Philippians 2:12 tells us, “put into action God’s saving work in your lives, obeying God with deep reverence and fear”. The King James Version says “work out your own salvation”. You can’t work it in, but you can work it out once it’s in! “Each of us will have to give a personal account to God.” Romans 14:12 So living a disciplined life reminds me that I am accountable to God. When I show accountability to others, it reminds me that I am accountable to someone even higher than they. We started by talking about this fence. Fences have two main purposes – to keep things in and to keep things out. When we practice disciplined lives before our family and before God we keep out many of the harmful attacks that Satan would throw at us to destroy our lives and homes. The Bible calls this act the “shield of faith” in Ephesians. When we, by faith, simply obey God and those God has placed in authority over us, we are protected from Satan’s firey attacks. The disciple fence keeps out a lot of destruction. But fences also keep things in. When we live disciplined lives before God and our family we keep a spirit of love, safety, compassion, and peace inside the fence. My family and I spent many very happy hours inside that fence in Lakeport. It was a beautiful place to retreat at the end of the day. There was something about the atmosphere in our front yard after the fence was completed that made it an inviting place to want to be. When you determine to practice Godly discipline in your life and in your home you will begin to build that kind of fence and that kind of atmosphere. Your life and your family will be an inviting place where people can discover God’s love and acceptance – a place like no other place. Dear Lord Jesus, Forgive us for the times that we have ignored your discipline in our lives. Forgive us for assuming that Your discipline was a bad thing – instead of the good You planned it to be. We are thankful that You are mighty in both power and understanding. We are thankful that You are doing whatever it takes to “open our ears to discipline”. As we close out this morning we take with us a greater understanding of this truth: It’s not about us – it’s about You. Your values are the values we genuinely wish to live by each day. Lord Jesus, help us to understand that we must do our part, we must be willing to work hard for each other and for you – and in the end it is Your power and grace that meets our needs and grants our desires. And may we constantly live with the understanding that we live under authority, the authorities You place over us in this life and ultimately Your authority. Help prod us to take seriously a disciplined life. AMEN PROJECT: In your Discovery Pack this morning you will a “reality discipline guide” by which you and your family can develop better discipline. I want to encourage you to make the investment to read and soak in the thoughts in the Guide. On the back of the guide are several projects that you and your family can work through. Take one meal this week and discuss these ideas while you eat. Then create a project on your own to implement at least one suggestion you develop. Ü Attributed to Bill Cosby
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(c) Paul Newell 2004 FamilyFellowship Church P.O. Box 465, Beaumont, CA 92223 |
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