Family Matters -
God's Recipe for Great Sex - Part Two
1 Peter 3:1-7
May 20, 2007
Pastor Paul W Newell

Last week we started this talk on Sex that really Cooks by looking at God’s recipe for sex. We shared that God’s recipe for sex has always been and always will be:

One man – one woman – in a committed marriage relationship.

We talked about why that is true. God is not the cosmic sexual kill-joy who made us passionate about our sexuality and then makes us miserable by not allowing sex except within a committed marriage relationship.

We shared that God made sex primarily for pleasure in marriage and secondarily for reproduction. The greatest physical pleasure and most intimate physical act between a marriage couple can result in even more love – a child to love. But sex is not just for making babies – it’s for fun!

od encourages sex in a committed marriage relationship. There is a whole book in the Bible that focuses on sex within a committed marriage relationship.

Sex is a RELATIONSHIP – it’s not an ACT. Don’t let anyone sell you on the lie that sex is an act. There is NO SEX ACT – there is only relationship.

When sex is taken outside of a committed marriage relationship sex causes guilt and pain – and eventually DULLNESS. We become full to both God and relationship when we take sex outside of a committed marriage relationship.

SIDE: That is my pornography, sex clubs, prostitution and the like is so deadly. It’s not just that it cheapens sex and makes objects out of the participants – such sexual sins DULL you to other relationships.

It’s impossible to enjoy your spouse if you mind is filled with other stuff. It’s impossible to enjoy the joy when you are attempting to fill your sexual tank with water instead of premium gasoline.

A couple of months ago an Pastor friend from Ventura county drove to my house for a visit. Dave owns this really old and really cool diesel Mercedes. On his way to our house he realized he needed fuel and he noticed a low-priced filling station offering diesel and a really good price. Dave jumped on the chance to save a little money (he’s a church planter too!) and filled up. However, buy the time he arrived in Yucaipa the Mercedes would hardly run. He pulled into a gas station and stopped the car. It never started again. We spent a day trying to figure out the problem and a good mechanic finally explained to Dave that the diesel was bad. It had algae in the diesel. It cost Dave hundreds of dollars to take the fuel system apart and clean it out. He told me he would always buy his diesel from stations that he trusted after that.

You and I can do the same thing with it comes to sex. We can fill our tanks with cheap, easy fuel – but the results are extremely risky and we’re going to mess up our systems. You may assume you are good at hiding what you’re doing – but it’s terribly hurting your relationship with your husband or wife.

But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself. He will be wounded and disgraced...”  Proverbs 6:32

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does.
For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18

God’s recipe for great sex starts with one man – one woman – in a committed marriage relationship.

But once you have the right recipe you have to have the RIGHT COOKS as well, and the RIGHT COOKS have to realize that they cook differently! That’s the way God intended it to be!

#1 – You’ve got to follow the right recipe

#2 – YOU’VE GOT TO CHECK THE TEMPERATURE

The Apostle Peter was a tough cookie. He was a rough and tumble fishermen. He was quick tempered and quick mouthed. He often got himself into jams because of his tough talking, tough talking ways. And...he was married. Not only that, guys, but his mother-in-law lived with him! And when the time came that she was about to die and Peter would have had one less then to worry about – Jesus HEALED Peter’s Mother-in-law!
(Go figure!?)

That’s what Peter was – but by the end of his life, Peter had learned a lot from being a Christ follower and in his last letter to the churches that he helped start, Peter wrote the following about marriage:

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2by observing your pure and reverent lives...In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered 1 Peter 3:1-7

We said that the second part of sex that really cooks is:

You’ve Got To Check The Temperature.

That’s what Peter is talking about here. These verses are all about treating each other the right way.

After over twenty-five years working with couples as a Pastor and experiencing on marriage up close and personal, I’ve come to the conclusion that the greatest sex wrecker in marriages is the way we treat each other. The temperature of a marriage relationship is easily chilled by our attitudes and actions toward each other.

The temperature can change from blazing to freezing with just one word or look. That’s why Peter talks in the passage about living respectful, pure lives – more action before more words! That’s why Peter reminds us husbands to work hard at understanding our wives and treating them like “weaker vessels”.

Ladies, you hate that word, not you? “Weaker”. But let me make sense of it. It word there is not WEAK and in less important, but fragile and is precious and valuable. It’s the difference between this Coke Bottle and this Champagne Flute. Both can serve the purpose of holding liquid, but which is more precious.

Guys, our wives are precious and valuable and we are to treat them and priceless!

You want sex that cooks you’ve got to check the temperature of your relationship.

And while we’re talking about temperature, let me explain something that’s really obvious, but we don’t often admit it:

IT TAKES TIME TO PREHEAT THE OVEN!!!

Guys, we may be quick on the upstart when it comes to sex – and, ladies, sometimes you are the same; the reality is that it takes time to warm up your relationship.

You can’t expect to have sex that really cooks if you’re not spending time together – quantity and quality time!

That’s why every couple here needs to commit to the 52-2-2 Principle.

Once other point about your relationship temperature...

My outdoor BBQ grill has this cool thing on the front of it called an ignition switch. It’s really cool! I turn on the fuel and push the button and whamo!: instant flame and heat. It’s really great, except for one problem: It Doesn’t work!

The ignition thing is broken or missing. The button is there, but it doesn’t work.

A lot of you are like my gas BBQ – you have no working ignition switches. There’s plenty of fuel, but you can’t get the fire started. Let me give you a couple of switches that I guarantee you will work:

Sex that cooks – checks the temperature.

#3. CLEAN OUT THE PANTRY

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

One of the things that we do around the Newell house from time to time is get rid of stuff that we’re not going to use – or has grown stale or bad. Sometimes we have stuff in the pantry or refrigerator that’s simply gone bad – it needs to go.

Sometimes the big barrier to sex that cooks is all of the stuff that’s in the way. It’s time to deal with the hard stuff.

Couples – there are some things you may need to deal with so that you can focus on sex that cooks. Sometimes you need to lay those things out on the table and deal with them.

I remember the first time Terrie and I attended a Weekend to Remember. May, I was ready! We were away from the kids and the church and the house and the town. We were all alone – with 500 other alone couples. I was excited about the weekend, but, I have to be honest, I was also excited about the upcoming sex.
What I found out though, was that there were some things in the way. It wasn’t that we didn’t enjoy each other’s joy – but as the weekend progressed we began to talk and really open up – and there were some things we needed to really take on and deal with.
It was hard, but it was also worth it – and dealing with the issues: confessing and forgiving and coming up with plans for overcoming differences – it make the physical times together even better.

Now, let me give you a big warning: It’s neither smart or Biblical to withhold yourself because of problems in your marriage. Such withholding only hurts – it never helps. Such withholding is manipulative and sinful. First Corinthians chapter seven warns up that the only reason to withhold sex from our spouse is for PRAYER. And then after prayer you are to come back together so that neither of you are tempted – either sexually or in any other way!

I’m personally thankful that Terrie and I have lived most of our married life by this principle. Sure, there have been times when either of us have said, no, but we’ve tried to do so so that we could deal prayerfully with an issue and then quickly come back together. Any other approach will destroy your marriage.

This whole issue of cleaning out the pantry is so important that we’re going to take a whole week on it – next week when we talk about how to fight fair!

One final thing to help you really have sex that cooks:

#4: ENJOY THE REST OF THE MEAL TOO!

Enjoy the marital mean and THEN enjoy the dessert.

If you try to make sex the central point of your marriage – it will fail. Such a plan is impossible.

On the other hand if you ignore regular sex within your marriage you are sabotaging it at worst and missing out on God’s great gift at best.

You’ve got to enjoy the WHOLE MARRIAGE – not just one part. Get involved in each other’s worlds – find things to do together. Find hobbies or activities that you can enjoy together. Guys – help your wives around the house. Ladies, find ways to enjoy what your husband enjoys and men – do the same!

Pastor Ed Young shared a story some time ago about running. He loves to run and one day his wife asked to run with him. He was all excited until he realized that she wasn’t was fast a runner as he was. He kept running ahead of her. He was frustrated and so was she. He said he finally realized something very important: “I realized that I could run slower and build romance faster or I could run faster and build romance slower. I chose to slow down when she was with me.”

• Sex that really cooks is all about slowing down and building relationship.
• Sex that really cooks is all about relationship – because sex is all about relationship.
• We need to slow down for each other.
• We need to think and act like servants toward each other.

That’s exactly how God works!

God pursues us; He slows down for us and waits for us.

Jesus came to give Himself totally for us as a sacrificial servant.

Is it any surprise that the most powerful of interpersonal human expression is also an illustration of God’s love for us?
One finally thought about God’s recipe for sex.

In Genesis chapter four we have the first actual reference to sexual activity in the Bible.

“And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived...” Genesis 4:1

See that little word knew there? That’s a lot bigger word that we use it for today...it means sex. Most newer translations of the passage will say something like, “Adam had sexual relations with his wife Eve..”. That’s pretty straight forward, but not entirely accurate – something gets lost in the translation from Hebrew to modern English.

The Hebrew word is yada and means “to know”. Adam knew his wife. You don’t get more knowing, more open and exposed than during a sexual relationship within a committed marriage.

God’s intent is for us to fully know each other. Sex is God’s gift to bring knowing each other to fulfillment. God’s recipe for great sex requires that we know each other, serve each other, become vulnerable to each other and totally focus on the pleasure and joy of our spouse.

You can’t do that without knowing them. The joy is in the knowing, not in the act. The joy is in the journey, not the event.

Now let me read one final verse...

“...I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.
I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death,  so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! Philippians 3:9 - 11

In much the same way that God desires that a husband and wife experience spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy with each other, as powerful as that desire is within a husband and a wife...

God’s desire to KNOW us – to share Himself with us – is even more powerful. God wants us to desire intimacy with Him. The joy and pleasure of a powerful relationship with Jesus Christ will ultimately far surpass any physical joy we experience in marriage – yet God wants us to have it all. An intimate relationship with Him and an intimate relationship with our spouse.

Both will take a determined effort to both pursue and submit to the other.

I don’t want to stop until I genuinely and completely know Terrie. It’s worth the effort. It’s worth the service. It’s worth the sacrifice to experience the joy of knowing her.

I don’t want to stop until I genuinely and completely experience all that God has planned for me and I experience His life working through me.

Conclusion:

Prayer:

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