Family Matters -
Mama Mia! God's Imprint on Women
May 13, 2007
Special Speaker: Terrie Newell

We’re into our second week in our series, Family Matters, and we’ve talking about what really matters as a family. We’re taking this from a little different perspective in that we’re talking a lot about Mom & Dad, husband and wife this time around and no so much kids. The reality is when Mom and Dad – husband and wife – have it right – the kids usually turn out the way they should. In most families, it’s not the kids that need fixing – it’s the relationship between Mom and Dad!

Last week we talked about “Big Daddy: What it means to be a man.” If we look back seven days we’ll remember that we started with a key verse found in Genesis chapter one:

“So God created people in his own image [God stamped us with his characteristics] God patterned them after himself; make and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

We pointed out that when God created us in His image He split up key characteristics of His nature into both men and women. Neither of us got everything God was, but when God puts a man and a woman together – it is the union of powerful God traits. Together a husband and wife become ONE and illustrate God’s presence in this world.

Last week we focused on “Big Daddy”, the guys. We shared three traits that God has given men – these are things that men crave to do and be – naturally. Today, the world would love to keep us from being what God intended us to be, but that’s not how we’re going to live; are we? We want to be, we want to live the way God designed us.

Three of the key traits that God place in men are LEADER, RISK TAKER and COMPETER.

God wants men to live as leaders! (Not dictators or bull-dozers, but leaders who are out in front showing their family how to live for God.
God also wants men to be risk takers. God wants us to be courageous and not always play it safe. God wants us to be willing to put ourselves on the line for Him and for our wives and children.

God wants men to be competitors. God wants us to compete for Him in this world and also to compete for our wives and children! Guys our wives and kids are waiting for us to compete for them, to live in such a way that they want to follow us, admire us, love us.

That’s not all God placed in us as men – but it’s what I believe are the top three God characteristics that man us men.
Transition: Since this morning is Mother’s Day it’s a perfect day to talk about how God made women!

But...I have to admit...I am definitely NOT an expert on women so I’ve asked an expert to join me this morning and help with this talk...Terrie...

Thanks for inviting me to help you out this morning! When it comes to understanding women, I think you really do need my help! (Don’t laugh, guys, you all need your wives help too!)

Paul shared the top then things you’d never hear a man say last week, so I thought I would share another list – equal time, right ladies?

Top Seven Things You’ll NEVER Hear Your Wife Say...

7. “What do you mean today is our anniversary?”

6. “Can we not talk to each other tonight?  I would rather just watch TV.”

5. “Oh, this diamond is way too big.”

4. “Honey, does this outfit make my rear look too small?”

3. “Don’t stop for directions.  I’m sure you will be able to figure out how to get there.”

2. “I don’t care if it is on sale.  $300 is just way too much for a designer outfit.”

1. “Hey, pull my finger.”

[Paul] Man, that was hard for you to go through, wasn’t it? That last one alone must have been torture to say!

 [Terrie] OK, let’s get focused here!

I want to talk this morning about two powerful characteristics that God has stamped into each woman.
I like to think of us as God’s image bearers. As Paul shared, we were created in God’s image, we carry God’s image and I believe the most powerful characteristic God has placed into each woman is His desire for relationship.

God has placed within WOMEN a DESIRE FOR RELATIONSHIP

Maybe you never thought about God this way, but if you look at how God reveals Himself in the Bible – it’s all about relationship.
God is a God of relationship: God desires relationship.

When God made man and woman – why did He make us? The answer is relationship.

When God offered Himself on the cross as the payment for our sins – why did He do that? The answer is relationship.

The whole purpose of heaven will be relationship with God and God’s children. God is a God of relationship and...He has placed that desire for relationship especially strong in women.

This characteristic of relationship – the desire to be in relationships – really shines in women. I believe it is the strongest of all God traits in women.
Think about it ladies:

When men get together what’s one of the first questions they ask each other? ... “So, what do you do for a living?” 
Ladies don’t ask that question. We don’t talk to each other about what we “do for a living”. To most of us jobs are just that – jobs.

What we do ask is... “Who are you...who are you connected to?” Who are you in relationship with? Are you married? Single? Kids. Who do you know?

As women the easiest way for us to define ourselves is by who we are related to. We describe ourselves as wives, mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, friends.

It’s all about who we are related or connect to.

Ladies, we’re miserable when we don’t feel connection. [Guys, you want connection too, but it’s a powerful need in women that set’s us apart as unique.]

God has place in us the powerful desire – need – for relationship, and that desire is what we use to hold our families and our world together!

Desire for relationship motivates us to show MERCY. When you think of women you typically think of mercy. Nurture is all about mercy.

Desire for relationship motivates us to show TENDERNESS. Ladies, guys learn tenderness from us!

Desire for relationship motivates us to be VULNERABLE. Why else but for relationship would we open ourselves to our families and others? We talk about men being risk takers, but we women take risks too when it comes to relationship.

Desire for relationship motivates us to be INVITING. You know we don’t often think about the word “seduce” as a good thing, but ladies we have a powerful ability to seduce or invite our husbands into relationship with us. Maybe a better word would be we are motivated to be alluring. We want to draw others to us. And whether you are married or single – God designed us to be inviting or alluring. God made us want to invite others into relationship with us.

That’s what God does with us – he shows us His mercy, His tenderness, He becomes vulnerable in that He opens Himself to our loves or rejection, and God invites us into relationship with Him.

Ladies – this is powerful. We, above all God’s other creation, have within us the ability to demonstrate God’s desire for relationship.
But we can mess it up...we can corrupt God’s design for us if we are not careful.

When we allow our desire for relationship to get us focused on THE RELATIONSHIP WE WANT FROM OTHERS instead of what THE RELATIONSHIP GOD WANTS TO SHOW THROUGH US – we turn everything upside down. That’s what Paul was just talking about.

Instead of MERCY – we become DEMANDING. We don’t show relationship to our husbands and families – instead we demand from them.

Instead of TENDERNESS – we become HARSH and RIGID. We don’t just demand – we get mean about it. Just like men can change from LEADERS to BULLDOZERS, we change from tenderness to PUSHINESS and MEANESS.

Instead of being OPEN and VULNERABLE – we become DESPARATE AND NEEDY. Ladies, your guy wants to know you need him, but he doesn’t respond well to neediness. It’s OK to share our needs, our desires with the one’s God has place in our lives – but neediness puts a pressure and demand on our families that they can never meet.

Your husband can’t convince you that you are worthy or beautiful or smart or whatever. Don’t get me wrong, we love to hear those things from our husband, but when we expect him to MAKE US FEEL a certain way – we will ALWAYS be disappointed.

Only God can ultimately tell you who you are. And  you have to believe and trust what He says.

Stop insisting that your husband fill you and validate you. Stop looking to your husband – or anyone else for that matter – for things he can not give you.

Paul is not the primary need provider in my life. GOD IS! But when I start focusing on Paul as my sole provider – or even myself as my sole provider – I get desperate and needy.

One other thing...when we turn things upside down...

Instead of being INVITING and drawing our families to us – we become DOMINATING AND CONTROLING. Do I even need to go into this one?

Proverbs 21:9 says, “ It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.”

[By the way, that verse is so important that it’s found in the Bible TWICE! God is trying to tell us something here.]

Paul: Guys, we can mess it up too!
Instead of leaders we become bulldozers.
Instead of risk taker we wimp out and become passive.
Instead of competing for our families – we give up and retreat into ourselves.

So, why do we get demanding, harsh, needy, and controlling?

We do that because we don’t trust God. We are afraid that God won’t come through for us. We are afraid that He won’t meet our needs on our time schedule.

If you can learn that God not only knows what is best for you – but he wants you to trust Him that He will always come through for you when He knows it’s the right time – if you learn that you won’t be afraid.

Whenever I find myself getting turned upside down in my relationships – I know that my relationship with Jesus Christ needs attention:

Jesus said it this way: “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:30 – 31

The more I am in focus with my relationship with Jesus Christ the easier it is to have the right focus on my relationship with others.

Before we close I want to share one other trait that God has placed in every woman...

OK, this is probably one that you have not thought about, BEAUTY

The second great characteristic that God has placed within women is simply BEAUTY.

Ladies, God gave you the ability to BE BEAUTIFUL.

He placed within you HIS BEAUTY.

When we think of BEAUTY we think of GLORY. We say something is beautiful; we say it is glorious. God’s glory and beauty can be seen everywhere.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us, “God has made everything beautiful for its own time.”

God’s beauty is meant to be seen in the life and heart of every woman.

Men, you may be attracted to beauty, but, by our nature, we as women get to display beauty.

Here’s where our problem comes in ladies...we have bought into the wrong ideal for beauty.

The world, society wants to define beauty for us.

The world defines beauty from the OUTSIDE-IN...while, God defines beauty from the INSIDE-OUT.

The world tells us we must have the perfect figure in order to be accepted... God tells us we are made in His image and we are wonderfully made.

The world tells us that outward beauty is everything... God tells us that though our outward beauty will fade, His inward beauty deeps and increases with time.

The world cheapens true beauty... God’s Word helps us put it into perspective.

Listen to this verse from 1 Peter 3:4 – it explains how to obtain real beauty:

“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”

Two words about beauty from this verse...

The first is GENTLE...

When we think of gentleness we think of mercy and tenderness – those are relationship traits.

Powerful relationship leads to powerful beauty!

But gentle does not mean weak – quite the opposite.

Gentleness is about strength. You can’t show gentleness unless you are strong. Gentleness is defined as STRENGTH UNDER CONTROL.

When we keep our focus on God displaying His beauty through us,

When we allow God to bring our demanding, harsh, needy, controlling attitudes under control –  THAT’S GENTLENESS.

And then we see our QUIET SPIRIT.

Here is the key to real beauty ladies. Notice it doesn’t say BE QUIET, it says a “QUIET SPIRIT” - a spirit at rest.

REAL BEAUTY IS RELAXING!

Real beauty BRINGS PEACE, rest.

A quiet spirit rests in God. A quiet spirit trusts God that all is going to be OK. He is in control so we can be in control.

Ladies, we have the power to bring REST and BEAUTY into our homes or we have the power to bring STRESS and UGLINESS. We have the choice.

God has placed in every women a sacred beauty – it’s a beauty that comes totally from God. Your beauty is sacred.
Our struggle with beauty is: where do we start?

On one side we can focus so much on our outward beauty – (or fear that we are not beautiful, beautiful enough) that we neglect the source of real beauty – the fruit or result of our relationship with God.

Philippians 2:12-13 tells us,

“Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”

We must always remember that it is God who is doing the beautiful work inside of us.

On the other side we can focus so heavily on the spiritual beauty that we use the “spiritual” as an excuse to neglect our physical beauty.

Frumpiness is really not an option when we are trying to display God’s beauty.

God wants us in balance.

He wants us to take care of ourselves, to look good. We don’t have to compare ourselves with what the world is telling us beauty is – but we do need to display our beauty.

Guys: this is where you come in. We ladies need to know from our men that we are beautiful. It’s worth it to you to convince us that we are beautiful.

Paul: If you’re a little rusty at figuring out what to say to your wife – may I recommend a little Bible reading. So read the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament and learn from the best how to talk about your wives beauty.

Determine you will show God’s Beauty. The deeper your relationship with Jesus Christ, the closer you get to Him, the more beautiful you will appear to those around you!

Look beautiful. Work at looking your very best. 

Act beautiful – this is where relationship comes in.

Someone once said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Never forget that the One who is beholding is God Himself.

He has placed His beauty in us and expects us to radiate that beauty.

[Paul]
Guys, the best Mother’s Day gift you could ever gives your wives in an understanding of what Terrie just shared. When you and I as men step up to the plate and honor the way God has shaped our wives – they feel a powerful freedom to be all that God designed them to be.

Both of us – men and women alike, need to make the commitment to look for the God stamps in each other. The more we realize that God us using our spouse to move us forward into what He (God) has planned for us – the less we will be competing WITH each other – and the more we will be competing FOR each other.

Let’s embrace our God given stamps and start working to build families that really matter for God!

Prayer

To download the audio version of this message click here.