 EMO: What's Up With All These Emotions
Sermon 2: Forgiven & Free: Dealing With Guilt
Romans 3:10-26
July 23, 2007
Pastor Paul W Newell
"So now, those who are in Christ Jesus are not judged guilty." Romans 8:1
The story is told that Noel Coward, the well known playwright, as a prank, once sent an identical anonymous letter to 10 notable men in London. The note said, "We know what you have done. If you don’t want to be exposed, leave town." Within 6 months, all 10 men that received the letter, moved!
That shows the awesome power of guilt. Guilt is a horrible burden to bear and some have such a heavy grime on our spirits that nothing seems to be able to remove it. [copied]
“My guilt overwhelms me - it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief. A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart.” Psalms 38:4 - 8
“My guilt overwhelms me...” Guilt is the great motivator. Guilt can be all-consuming. Guilt can so control our lives that we are incapable of any real progress in our journey with God.
We live in a society that is driven by guilt. Much of what we do and don’t do is based on guilt; whether we realize it or not. And instead of spending a lot of time describing guilt; this morning I want to just into dealing with guilt.
Guilt is a reality. I have yet to talk to a single Christ follower who has not struggled with the issues surrounding this powerful EMO we call guilt. Guilt is a powerful motivator and as with most motivations, guilt as a positive and a negative side.
First, let’s talk for a few minutes about what is what’s positive about guilt.
What is guilt? Guilt in its simplest definition is simply remorse for wrong doing.
People often confuse guilt and shame.
GUILT is remorse over something we believe we have done wrong.
SHAME is the fear that others either know or will find out that we’ve done something wrong.
Guilt is all about what I did; while shame is dealing with the negative feelings about who I am.
Guilt drives me to confess, apologize and repair the wrong that I’ve done. Shame drives me to hide, escape or strike back.
Guilt and shame are powerful emotions! So, what’s positive about such feelings?
#1. Both guilt and shame can protect us from a lot of hurt.
Proverbs 28 says,
"People who conceal their sins will not prosper (SHAME), but if they confess (GUILT) and turn from them, they will receive mercy. Blessed are those who fear to do wrong (SHAME), but the stubborn are headed for serious trouble(GUILT).” Proverbs 28:13-14
There are a lot of things I do not do because I would be ashamed to do them. Can you think of things you might do if you assumed no one would ever find out?
Think about that for a moment. What would you stop doing right now if you knew for a fact that everyone in this room would soon find out? OUCH!
Watch this:
You have put the evil we have done right in front of you; you clearly see our secret sins. Psalms 90:8
God will judge everything, even what is done in secret, the good and the evil. Ecclesiastes 12:14
Everything that is hidden will be made clear and every secret thing will be made known. Mark 4:22
When I’m tempted to sin guilt and shame can be my best friends! They can guard my heart my reminding me of how I don’t want to feel!
#2. Guilt and shame can also draw me closer to God.
If we go back to our first Bible passage this morning...Psalm 38...and then drop down to the very last verse...look at King David’s final response to his guilt:
LORD, don’t leave me; my God, don’t go away. Quickly come and help me, my Lord and Savior. Psalms 38:21 - 22
David’s guilt and shame drove him right to God as his “LORD AND SAVIOR”.
Everyone one of us needs to feel guilty; guilt enough to realize that we need God’s forgiveness and presence in our lives. That’s good guilt!
But there is also bad guilt. Guilt that keeps us from doing what is wrong is good. Guilt that drives us to repentance and faith is good. But guilt that moves us away from God is wrong.
Bad Guilt:
Bad guilt tears you down; it overwhelms. Bad guilt is a burden to heavy to carry.
Bad guilt stinks up our lives and drives us further into sin.
Bad guilt and the wrong kind of shame kills us inside!
Guilt is exhausting and crushing. Guilt is heart breaking.
So what is BAD GUILT?
Bad guilt is any guilt that is not dealt with God’s way!
Bad guilt is any guilt that we do not handle God’s way.
In the time we have left I want to help you understand how God says to handle your guilt.
I don’t care if it’s real guilt, imagined guilt, or guilt imposed upon you by others. All I want to do is give you a two word plan for dealing with whatever guilt you are facing this morning.
Here are the two words: FORGIVE and FREE.
Forgiven and free. Those two words will help you deal with whatever guilt you face in life.
FORGIVEN:
The first step to dealing with guilt is to deal with forgiveness. The answer to guilt is not avoiding it, covering it or denying it. The answer to guilt is simply forgiveness.
Avoid: I can attempt to avoid my guilt my blaming others. I only did what I did because of what they did! But blame shifting doesn’t take away the fact that I did something wrong. I can attempt to avoid my guilt by refusing to believe what I did was wrong, but that won’t stop the hurt or take away the truth that I did wrong. Just cause you say it ain’t so doesn’t make it so! Avoiding guilt doesn’t work.
The only way to deal with guilt is forgiveness!
Bury: I can try to bury my guilt, but that won’t make the guilt go away. I can self-medicate through substance abuse hoping that I won’t have to think about the guilt, but it’s still there! The problem with burying our guilt is that what we are actually doing is PLANTING our guilt and eventually what grows up is bigger and more damaging than the seeds we buried. Burying our guilt doesn’t work.
The only way to deal with guilt is forgiveness!
Denial: I can try to deal with my guilt my ignoring it; but guilt will not be denied. Guilt refuses to be avoided, buried or denied. I can tell everyone that I’m just fine on the outside, but inside, guilt will eat me alive. Guilt will destroy my ability to be open, honest, caring, or loving; Like a bad case of acne, eventually the sores are going to surface and the poison is going to pop!
Romans 3:10 is about as short and powerful as it gets: “There is no one who always does what is right, not even one."
Just like King David said, “My guilt overwhelms me - it is a burden too heavy to bear.”
The only way to deal with guilt is forgiveness!
The good news is FORGIVEN.
Look a little farther down from Romans 3:10...look at verse 22:
"We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are." Romans 3:22
Do you see that right there? We are made right! That’s FORGIVEN. No matter who we are – or what we have done – we are made right with God when we place our faith in Jesus Christ. That’s FORGIVEN.
We are FORGIVEN of our guilt.
"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins." Romans 3:23-24
Look at that! Even though we are guilty of wrong, God declares us RIGHT. See the next part...through Christ Jesus when he FREED us from the penalty of our sins.
Look at that closely. Yes we were guilty, but now we have been FREED from the penalty. FORGIVEN and FREED.
Now let’s look at the FREED part for a moment!
"For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past," Romans 3:25
One of the biggest mistakes we make in life is not to realize the full gravity, implication of our sin and guilt.
You and I need to have an honest understanding of our guilt. We shouldn’t avoid it, bury it or deny it. We need to understand just how guilty we are before God. It’s at that point that we can fully appreciate the enormity of our FORGIVENSS and FREEDOM.
God not only forgave us – He freed us.
"for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus." Romans 3:22-26
God planned to offer us His forgiveness even before He created this world. The crucifixion and resurrection demonstrated God’s righteousness – fairness and justice – because He didn’t just ignore our guilt – he PAID the ULTIMATE PRICE to make amends for our guilt and then forgive us.
How with that said, I want to go back to FORGIVEN AND FREE.
Two words will help us deal with guilt: FORGIVEN and FREE.
Do you want to deal with the guilt that you’re feeling right now?
Do you want to come up with a plan for dealing with any guilt that you make face in the future?
The first step is FORGIVEN; accept God’s forgiveness.
Romans 8:1 says, “...those who are in Christ Jesus are not judged guilty...”
Once you turn your sins over to Jesus Christ; once you accept Jesus’ forgiveness that He paid for by dying on the cross and rising again; you are no longer judged guilt. God forgives and He forgives completely and forever!
“We believe with our hearts, and so we are made right with God. And we use our mouths to say that we believe, and so we are saved.” Romans 10:10
The second step is FREE.
Let’s go back and remind ourselves of what we found out in Romans chapter three: God did not just forgive us of our guilt...he paid the PENALTY for our guilt AND THEN FORGAVE us.
FORGIVENESS WAS NOT FREE...It cost Jesus Christ the suffering and death of the cross.
FREE means we accept God’s gift of forgiveness THROUGH the cross.
GOD PAID THE PENALTY AND MADE COMPLETE RESTITUTION FOR OUR SINS...THEN HE FORGAVE US.
Now let me broaden this a little bit...
“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” Matthew 5:23 - 24
Sometimes the guilt that we feel has nothing to do with the guilt that we feel toward God.Yes, all sin is against God, but some sins are against others as well.
We sin against other people. Often the guilt we feel is because we have sinned and caused hurt toward others – not just God. Remember sin is sin because it hurts us and it hurts others.
We first approach God and both seek and accept His forgiveness, but there are also the others to consider.
We need to address the guilt we may feel because of the hurt we have caused others, and the process is much the same as with God.
First, we need to seek the other person’s forgiveness. It’s not just a matter of saying we’re sorry, it’s first admitting what we have done. We need to understand the full gravity or implication of our sin against that person. Usually “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it.
When seeking forgiveness we need to own up to our sin! We shouldn’t avoid it, bury it, deny it or minimize it. We need to accept our guilt, admit our guilt and then seek their forgiveness.
Second, we need to repent. Repent means to do the opposite; to make a drastic turn away from the wrong and toward the right. It’s allowing the other person to see that you really do want to do what’s right by your actions, not just your words.
Third, we need to attempt restitution. We need to seek to make things right with that person. Sometimes that is impossible. You can’t always fix what is broken. But you can do what you can do.
Remember forgiveness is not complete without restitution, making things right.
That is what is so powerful about what God did for you and me. He not only forgave, but provided the means to complete restitution. What He asks from us is repentance.
Guilt is dealt with through FORGIVEN and FREE:
FORGIVEN: from the guilt; FREE: from the penalty of that guilt.
There’s one final issue I want to address as we wrap this up...I want to call it relational guilt.
There is a huge difference between GUILT and REGRET.
Guilt deals with the wrongs we have done...regret is not about what we have done, but what we miss! REGRET comes from the word GREET. We miss what we did not have the opportunity to WELCOME into our lives.
Sometimes we misinterpret REGRET as guilt.
Let me explain:
Tomorrow I plan to spend some real quality time with two people in my life; first my Lord (I want to spend some quality time listening and talking to Jesus Christ) and second, my wife (I’m really looking forward to the time Terrie and I get to spend together!)
That’s tomorrow. Now let’s suppose I do neither. I get busy, or selfish, or whatever, but I go all the way through Monday without spending any time with either Terrie or Jesus. Now let’s say the same thing happens Tuesday, and maybe even Wednesday. It might be a rough couple of days.
Now let’s suppose it’s Thursday and I walk by the living room and I notice Terrie sitting there waiting for me. I remember that I really wanted to spend time with her, and I think I’m starting to feel guilty for neglecting her. But, listen, what I’m really feeling is remorse. I’m missing Terrie. I’m missing my time with my best friend.
So what should I do? Should I start feeling guilty and beating myself up? Should I allow guilt to drive me to spend time with Terrie? Absolutely not! I don’t go spend time with Terrie because I’m feeling guilty – at least I don’t want to – I want to my heart and spend time listening to Terre because I miss her.
Do you think Terrie wants guilt to motivate me to spend time with her? Absolutely not! But I bet she’s glad that I’ve regretted spending time with her. And as a result I’m motivated to sit with her, listen to her, enjoy her. And I’m motivated to do the same day after day because I don’t want to feel regret; I want to enjoy relationship!
And guess what, when I sit down and start that time with Terrie – she loves it as much as I do, maybe more. I tell her how much I regret passing her by those couple of days. I talk to her about the stuff that went on and about my worries and fears and plans. I even talk to her about the things that are making me feel guilty in our relationship and I ask and accept her forgiveness. It’s great. What I regretted I now enjoy.
Now multiply that same scenario with Jesus. Do you think Jesus wants guilt to motivate me to spend time with Him? Absolutely not! But I bet He’s glad that I’ve regretted not spending time with Him. And as a result I’m motivated to sit with Him, listen to Him, enjoy Him. And I’m motivated to do the same day after day because I don’t want to feel regret; I want to enjoy relationship!
Our relationship with Jesus Christ – yours and mine – it’s should never be motivated by guilt. God FORGIVES and FREES. But, realizing that we don’t want to regret missing the opportunities to enjoy that relationship; that’s a great motivation.
PRAYER:
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